I CanMaybe
by Happyangstywriter
Summary: Sequel to "I Can't" my one shot Tag for Mayhem On A Cross. Heavy Angst! Requested story...this doesn't follow the show with regards to Booth's grandfather...or really much else. lol Read at your own risk! J/K


Okay so this is a response to (tmpbooth)'s challenge to wrote a sequel to my oneshot of "I Can't" Keep in mind and be advised that this is ver very angsty, slightly OOC, not for anyone incapable of being able to put up with the mentions of child abuse and/or rape. PLease leave you honest comments and I would say enjoy but that seems sorta inappropriate somehow. Probably cause it's dealing with such horrible issues. But here's to (tmpbooth)!

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Booth sits on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial gazing out into the sunset. Today had been a particularly day, with a particularly hard case, and a particularly disturbing memory threatening to make Booth crumble. The case was an abused little boy, murdered then by his close friend instead of his poor excuse for a father. The little boy had been raped to the horribly before the 'friend' decided to take one step further and choke him with a telephone string. It had made Booth cry endlessly at night, though he would never admit. He wanted to be crying now, but he knew it was useless.

So instead he sat. Looking out into increasing blackness…contemplating whether or not he should ease his pain the use of the Irish Whisky sitting by at his leg. Deciding not to. He sighs just as he a voice laden with confusion and also a bit of concern. "Booth?" the voice asked and he turns to see Bones standing there-signature confused frown firmly in place, arms loosely hanging by her side, eyes sparkling with the sun beams fading, catching them.

"Hey Bones." He says in a tone that belies his actual mood. "What are you doing here?" he asks sniffling to cover up the fact that was close to crying.

"You weren't around your office, the diner, or at you apartment so I guessed you were either here or at the bar." She says matter-of-factly. He deftly shakes his head and settles his gaze back on the horizon.

"Oh." He mumbles before scrunching his brows together. "You were looking for me?"

She looks at his profile, noting the torn and withdrawn look on his precious face before saying softly, "Yeah I was." She waited a moment for that to settle in before saying, "I thought you would need a friend."

He looks at her then, making it plainly obvious she was right but still holding true to his usually defiant nature. "What would make you think that?" he asks if a little angrily.

She doesn't see, fazed too much by his usual routine of not addressing his problem and deflecting the questions silently written in her words. She just says evenly, "I know you too well." She hears him scoff, but decides to be bold and ignore it. "I know you better than anyone, just like you know me better than anyone."

Booth watches with wide-semi-scared eyes as she then slides hr hand into his. He flinches involuntarily and whimpers when he sees she didn't care. She was trying to get him to open up, and damn it if it wasn't working. Unconsciously a tear slide down his cheek and Brennan sees it fall. He was letting his walls down, slowly, a little at a time. Letting her see him cry was the first thing that would happen, regardless if he knew he was or not. She pressed her free hand on the side of his face, and turned him to face her. His eyes were closed and more tears began to fall, but she just used her thumb to wipe them away. "Dear man," she says so softly he has lean in more to be able fully hear her. "What has you so broken?" she asks.

That does it.

He drops his head against her chest and begins sobbing. Releasing it all. Every single last he's held deep inside was coming out in a flood on her blouse. Brennan just strokes his scalp whispering words of affection, telling him everything was alright. Booth knew it wasn't though. It was never going to be alright for him. He was stuck to live forever with the memories of the beatings, the words thrown at him, the friends who said…who said…he sobbed harder.

By the end of it, Booth was all but in Bones' lap like a little kid. His arms wrapped tightly around her middle, his head resting against her shoulder, her back lying across her lowered legs, and rocking him like a kid was what she was doing. Letting him feel for once in his life safe instead of making someone else feel safe. She looked down at his face and noticed his closed eyelids. She began wondering if this is how he would have looked as a little boy if someone would have been there to catch the falling rivers as she had.

She stroked his face reverently before saying, "Booth…talk to me?" it came out more as a question, but she saw him regard it as a statement.

"I can't." he says in a child like tone.

"Why?" she asks.

"Because then it really happened. Then it is going to be real. I won't be able to pretend it's not there, I'll have to look at it every day and remember…remember all of what happened back then. I don't know if I can stand that, Bones. I don't think I'm strong enough." A few more tears escaped and firmly kept his eyes closed. Brenna stroked his head and contemplated her response.

She had never been good with these sorts of things. She had never been a good comforter…not even a good comfort-ee…but she had to do this for him. Had to let him unload his burdens, had to make him know he wasn't alone. She had to.

"Seeley Booth you are the strongest man I know." She starts. "If anyone can live down their past and come out of it better you can. I promise I will listen. Promise I won't judge you. I have my own fair share of past disappointments…many f which you know. So Seeley, trust me…trust me to know yours?" she was crying softly now and he was stock still and deathly silent giving Brennan the idea he was going to until, "When I was three, my dad started drinking."

Brennan let out the breath she didn't know she was holding. He was trusting her…finally.

"I don't remember a lot except my mom crying all of the time. Mostly around me, never around Dad. I had never seen Dad hit Mom, but I was smart enough to know my mom doesn't fall down the stairs once very few days." He snorts bitterly. "Bastard really thought I would believe it too." He goes quiet for a few moments before continuing. "It began getting really bad when I was five. I have more memories of that. I would go to kindergarten and come home to a house with broken glass and other things. It wasn't long after that that my mom started drinking heavily too. Always swearing and yelling and threatening me. I began to be afraid to be home by the time I was seven, but by that time Mom was pregnant with Jared." He got a wistful look on his face. "Those nine months were happiest of my childhood. Dad didn't drink so much, Mom didn't at all, Dad landed a job at the factory and he really thought our life was going to change…then he lost the job when I was well into my eighth year. Something about 'Good employees don't show up hung over'…" Booth stopped again to suck in a breath.

"He came home that night in a drunken fit, swearing at everything throwing things, Mom shielding Jared and running out of the house to get away…she forgot me. Or maybe she didn't. Maybe she wanted for once to have the beating fall on someone else. Probably was it." He was growing more and more sad with every word. "I did get it that night. Hard. I had tried hiding behind the sofa, but he just kicked me in the side and told me to get up... I did." He stopped and tears escaped his now very open eyes as if he were relieving the night. "He told me I was worthless, and that he didn't even think I belonged to him. He said I was a wimp, and he would show just how much of one…" Booth's voice was becoming more and more distant as he became more and more enriched in the memory.

_*That Night* _

"…_how much of one you are!" Booth's father hollered._

"_No, daddy, please I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please Daddy!"Booth begged as he was harshly grabbed the neck of his shirt and his father snarled in his face before throwing him across the room making him land on the poker table they had to use as a dinner table. _

"_Fight me Seeley! Come on you worthless piece of shit! Get up and prove yourself!" Booth father taunted while stepping around the table._

"_Daddy I don't wanna fight." Booth said blood escaping his mouth that he noticed with horror. "Daddy I'm bleeding." Booth begged. "I'm bleeding, make it stop!" _

"_No you pansy. I won't you aren't worth the time. You get your sorry ass moving and you make it stop!"_

"_Daddy I don't know how!" he wailed as tears threatened to spill. _

"_I said get up and clean it up!" Booth's father yelled while roughly dragging Booth to his feet and throwing him towards the kitchen._

"_Okay, okay Daddy, okay!"Booth wails…_

_*Fade out*_

"…In the end I was unconscious and my mom almost had to take me to the hospital. Never will forget the way she looked at me. Reverence? Gratitude? At the time I couldn't understand why she was thankful but I do now…I saved her. Dad would have probably killed her that night. God knows he almost did me." Booth sits up then and rubs his face, hating where this conversation was going to go now. "I made it my mission then to protect Jared and my mom as much as I can. Interceding a lot of the times, becoming his personal punching bag. When I was twelve I thought I could get cocky and throw him off a little so I tried mocking him. You know saying stuff like, 'Your punch's losing its bite.' Or 'I would hate to see how you would leave a boxing opponent.' Just stuff like that…I _did _wind up in the hospital after that." he chuckles bitterly. "When I recovered, I was forever changed. Started hanging with the bad crowds...drinking, smoking, whatever I could get my hands on to show the world how it was leaving me. How damaged I was."

He started crying then lightly choking on his saliva and Brennan reached inside her purse grabbing a set of tissues she always keeps on hand. "Here Booth." She says softly.

"Thanks." He says. "Bones this next part…this next part is worse than anything I have ever been through. You have to promise me, if I tell you this, you tell no one." He looks into her eyes leading with her to understand. "I don't want to ever speak of it again, so please listen, but first…promise me it stays between us."

She didn't have to think it over. "I promise Seeley."

He looks into her eyes and sees her sincerity. He sighs then and turns back to look at the black sky. He didn't know how to broach the subject, so he decided to just say it. "I was raped at seventeen years old by my friend named James Gilberheardt." He heard the gasp, felt the shaking hand touch his cheek. He looks at her eyes now completely black with emotion. "The truth Bones is I am exactly like that little by's case we solved, except I didn't die. I looked so much like him afterwards…the blood…oh my god…" he has to swallow to keep himself from puking with the memory. "Blood was everywhere…both mine and his. I tried so hard to get him to get away from me…I fought so hard but he was a lot bigger…" he sucks in a breath. "I thought he was my friend. My real friend. He was the one I would turn to when I couldn't so much as move after my dad got a hold of me…the one who made me feel at least somewhat safe and wanted…and he…he…," he gasped as tears were falling everywhere, "raped me the night I won MVP for football." He said it in a rush as he felt all of the emotions he had suppressed all of these years since flow out of him like a volcano erupting after years of dormancy.

Brennan reached for Booth and pulled his head against her chest again crying just as hard as Booth. "I'm so sorry." She found herself whispering while stroking his weeping form's head.

"I tried to kill myself after that." he says more to himself. "I would have been able to, if Grandpa hadn't noticed his tool shed's door open at an odd hour. I literally had the gun to my head, when he raced forward, took it out of my hand, and held me for all he was worth. I didn't tell him why I wanted to die. I guess he figured why…but I did Bones. After James I wanted to die." He was silent after that. Brennan stayed just as quiet. Contemplating what all he had told her. Booth's life had been all about pain. Her life was a cake walk compared to his. She couldn't believe that even after all of that he was such a great man today. An amazing father, brother, agent, and friend is what he became, even with a shattered-no-obliterated childhood. She wanted to find his father, James and even mother, possibly even his brother and kill them. She was so angry for Booth. So upset and angry. She never would have guessed it was this bad…until Booth broke his silence and went on.

"The even worse part was, my father didn't even care. I begged him over the phone to come get me. I even said, 'Daddy please, I can barely move. Please come get me.' He just laughed at me and hung up. I was left to deal with it on my own. I was lucky though to some degree. He raped me at his house…the house he owned by himself…so there was a bathroom. I crawled there after he left to go to God knows where, and I cleaned myself up… It was probably more painful than the actual inflicting of the injuries. But I went home, crawled in my bed in the room I shared with Jared, and I broke down under the blankets careful to not wake Jared…and never told anyone. My dad didn't even really know why I needed him to pick me…probably too drunk to remember my calling him. But after that I joined the military and the rest is history as they say."

Booth was then silent again, but this time from completion. Brennan didn't really know what to do. She had only planned this far…but he decided for her.

"I want to go home now, Bones. Can I please?" he asked looking at her.

She smiles at him, sadly so and nods. He stands up albeit a little shakily before turning around and saying, "Remember that time said when I was scared you could hug me?"

Brennan smiled again and stood instantly wrapping her arms around him to let him know she was there…that she saw him, that she understood. He dropped his head to her shoulder and breathed in her scent feeling somewhat lighter. "I don't feel as heavy anymore." Booth says suddenly.

"You just told me about all that has ever happened to you, Booth. I don't expect you would." She attempted to joke. But she felt him hold her tighter before saying, "No. You make me not as heavy. You make it better…even more now that you know why I am the way I am…I tried so hard to not ever let any of this came out. I kept telling myself, 'I can't…I can't.' But you Bones…" He grabs for her chin and softly kisses her on the temple and sweetly says, "You make me feel like I can. I can be myself around you, and I thank you. Thank you so much."

"What are partners for, Seeley?" She asks him.

Together they share a smile and head down off the steps that they had occupied for close to three hours-walking side by side down the street content in the fact that: yes their lives have been chaotic and traumatic and downright unfair…but together? Together they will be okay. Together they _can _be okay.


End file.
